More Smiles ~ March 2008

Giving Yourself Permission

When I was a kid, one of my favorite games was playing ‘Mother, may I?’. If you’re not familiar with it, the way it works is that one person is ‘Mother’. Everybody else lines up a good distance away from ‘Mother’ who has ‘her’ back to the rest of the players. ‘Mother’ tells each player in turn to take a certain number of baby steps or giant steps toward ‘her’ or away from ‘her’. Each time ‘Mother’ tells a player what to do, they then have to ask, “Mother, may I?” ‘Mother’ randomly grants them permission to do what ‘she’ had dictated, or not. The goal is to be the first to reach ‘Mother’ and thereby win the game. Just as in so many other childhood activities, during this game my actions were dictated by someone other than myself granting me permission to do what I wanted to do.

Until reading books by the author SARK, it never dawned on me that I didn’t have to get my permission from some ‘other’ outside of myself. SARK writes a lot about giving yourself permission to do things. She has a book entitled Living Juicy, Daily Morsels for Your Creative Soul in which she explores one topic per week. Her topics include playing, inspiring, loving, daring, surprising, and listening just to name a few. At the end of each week, the book contains a permission slip for the reader to complete. It boldly proclaims across the top “Permission to play!”, for example, and then there’s space for you to fill in any pertinent details.

I love this concept of giving myself permission. Clearly, I’m a rule follower from way back. Lots of the rules I now follow were created when I was younger and I’ve continued to add to my list of rules as I’ve aged. By now, my list is pretty long and many of the rules on my list keep me from leading a happier life. For instance, I had a rule that I needed to get permission from some ‘other’ to do what or be who I choose. To counteract this, I’ve begun writing permission slips for myself.

My permission slips look a lot like what I might have received from one of my high school teachers. They’re on pink slips of paper, and have room for the date, the receiver’s name, the behavior that is being allowed, and the signature of the person granting the permission. The biggest differences are that they’re both from me and to me, and that I grant myself permission to think, feel, do and be all kinds of wonderful things.

When was the last time you gave yourself permission to feel, to focus on yourself for the day, to share what scares you with someone you trust, to laugh and play because you could, to quit taking things personally, to take one scary step toward a goal that you have, to cry, to not worry about what others think, to be yourself, to create, to dream, to treat yourself the way you would an innocent child, to go into a room alone and rant and rave, to acknowledge yourself, or to be daring? What might be available to you if you started giving yourself permission to think, feel, do and be whatever you most wanted? How might the world be a different place if we each gave ourselves permission to be the greatest version of the grandest vision we ever held of ourselves?

Call to action: Take a step back and look at your life. Where have you been waiting for permission from some ‘other’? Are you willing to give that permission to yourself now? Create a permission slip for yourself authoritatively declaring what you are now allowed and post it some place where you’ll see it every day. I’d love to hear where you’ve been holding back and the permission you now give to yourself. E-mail me at Jill@AltmanLifeCoaching.com if you have questions or comments, or if you’d like to share about permission in your life.

Remember: We each have the right to forgive, to love, to let go of grudges and resentments, to heal, and to accept what is. What more do you grant yourself?