Do You Try To Manipulate Like This?

It’s erroneous for me to believe I need to do something to try to change someone. Over and over again, I see it played out in my own life and in the lives of my family, friends, clients and acquaintances ~ wanting someone else’s life to be different than how they want it to be. It tortures us, the ones who want more, different or better for those we care about. We end up feeling like we need to do something, that we need to try to help or change someone. Then, when our assistance is refused, we feel helpless.

You know what I’m talking about, the sibling who drifts from job to job or from town to town never seeming to be a productive member of society the way we’d like them to be, the way that we’re convinced would make them happy. Or the spouse who is an alcoholic and becoming more and more irresponsible, angry and violent, but rejects any help that we offer.

It’s actually rather arrogant of us to assume that what would make us happy would also make them happy. Or that we know what their soul’s purpose is and how they should go about living it. This behavior also doesn’t serve us because it keeps our focus off of the one thing we can change or do anything about ~ ourselves and our own thoughts, beliefs, words and actions.

Call to Action: Who are you trying to manipulate or manage? Who do you wish would act according to your standards yet keeps ‘letting you down’? What’s their behavior about which you really have an issue? How and where do you exhibit the same or a similar behavior in your own life? Are you willing to accept or change this behavior within yourself? What action will you take today or this week to help you create a shift?

Remember: You can only see and recognize a quality in somebody else that you already possess. Do you have the courage to bring your focus back to yourself?

Love and Embrace All of Your Emotions

One of my favorite poems is Rumi’s, The Guest House. I’ve included it here for those of you who aren’t already familiar with it:

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each guest has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

What feelings are you telling to quiet down and go away? They’re the ones jumping up and down, begging for your attention. Will you tend to them today or wait for them to act out and yourself to become overwhelmed by them?

Usually it’s our ‘negative’ emotions that we do this with ~ our fear, anger and grief… Paralyzed by fear, consumed by anger, drowned in sorrow… This is what awaits us when we repeatedly ignore their call.

Basically, our emotions are like little kids and if they’re not getting the love and attention they feel they need, they’ll act out in order to get it.

So, when we feel our emotions are controlling us, there’s a good chance that we simply need to give them more tender loving care.

Our feelings are never wrong. Greet them with the love and compassion we’d bestow upon a sick child. Tend to their needs. Ask them what they want and then give it to them, gratefully.

All these ‘negative’ emotions want is to be loved, accepted and embraced. They have just one purpose in your life ~ to help you grow to love and accept yourself more and more. Are you willing to go there?

Namaste,

Jill