Which Do You Choose ~ Being Right or Being Happy?

Things are never black and white despite how they may appear. There are always an infinite number of possibilities available to us. The question is, “Are we open and willing to see them?”

We box ourselves into corners believing there’s only one right way for things to be or to be done. It isn’t true though. I know it’s not true because things aren’t just one way. That’s not the reality of it. The reality is that situations, people and events are frequently very different than the way I think or believe they ‘should’ be! They’re different than what I have often unconsciously deemed the one right way.

Here’s the kicker though: That doesn’t mean that the way situations, people and events are is ‘wrong’. What it means is that I’m seeing things very narrowly. I’m closed down or constricted as opposed to open and expansive. When I’m open and expansive, I’m experiencing more of the truth and end up feeling more at peace.

Let me give you an example. Something that is affecting lots of people right now is being unemployed. It’s pretty easy to see that this can take a toll on our mental, emotional, physical and financial well-being. So, we could say that it’s bad and wrong to be unemployed.

I’d question that though. I don’t believe that anything is inherently good or bad, or right or wrong. It’s our stories about the thing that make it seem good or bad.

Oftentimes, it’s the things that seem like trials in our lives that distill life for us so that we see what’s truly important. Losing a job can remind us how much we value our friends and loved ones and their support. It can give us the time to reflect on our lives and radically alter the path we choose to take. We may feel free to go after our dreams for the first time in our lives. It may allow us to volunteer more and positively touch many other lives that way. Losing a job creates the space for something totally new to enter our lives. Perhaps we begin exercising. Maybe we start growing some of our own vegetables to save money and end up reconnecting with the earth.

Am I suggesting that there are blessings in every person, situation and event? Definitely! It’s just a question of my being open enough to see them.

What it really boils down to is whether or not I’m more committed to being right that this thing is bad or wrong, or I’m more committed to being happy and at peace with the way things are.

Which do you choose ~ being right or being happy?

Call to Action: Look around your life. Where are you seeing someone or something as bad or wrong? What’s right about that person or situation? What else is right? What else is right?

Remember: Nothing is inherently right or wrong. It’s only our judgments, opinions, comparisons and beliefs that make it so.

More Smiles ~ July 2009

The Death of a Relationship

Recently I was talking with my mom and she said something that indicated to me that she believes that her relationship with my dad ended some 30 years ago when they divorced. I disagree with that. I don’t believe relationships can ever end. My favorite t-shirt quoted Barry Commoner and said, “The first law of ecology ~ everything is related to everything else.” And one law of physics is, “Energy cannot be created or destroyed. It just changes forms.”

These two natural laws combined with my personal experiences lead me to agree with Neale Donald Walsch when he said that, “Even when you separate that which has been joined, the separated part contains part of the other part from which it has been separated. Put another way, it is possible to be apart, but it is impossible to not be a part.

Crack two eggs into a bowl and mix them up. Now try to separate them into discrete units once again.

Impossible.

Human beings are like eggs in a bowl.

We are all mixed up.”

It’s precisely because I believe all of this to be true that I work on loving and accepting all of myself. We are all connected. We cannot be separated. What I think, say and do to myself, I think, say and do to you. And what I think, say and do to you, I think, say and do to myself.

All I have to do is open to loving myself and caring for myself more and more, and I’ll be opening to loving you and caring for you more and more. Nothing exists or occurs in a vacuum. So, while it might appear that a relationship has ended through death, separation or divorce, it’s impossible. Just as the mixed up eggs can’t be separated, that person’s effect on and presence in your life cannot be removed. Nor can it be made to disappear from existence. The relationship can simply change forms.

This could sound depressing if there’s a relationship you’re trying to outrun, drown or forget ever existed. But I think it’s actually a very positive thing that once a relationship is created it always exists. True, you can’t make it go away. But you can change its form on your end.

That’s what my coaching is all about ~ changing the form of your relationships on your end so you can stop trying to outrun them, shove them away, drown them or forget they ever existed. My coaching is about changing your half of your relationships so that you feel better, think more positively, speak more responsibly and act more lovingly. Is this easy? No. Is it both possible and rewarding? Definitely.

Call to Action: Won’t you join me for a complimentary session to see what might be available to you through coaching? Contact me and we’ll find a mutually agreeable time.

Remember: This is the reason you need to focus on yourself. You are the only thing you can control. Plus, we’re all connected anyway. As you make peace with yourself, you make peace with the world. This is also why I believe that it isn’t narcissistic (despite how it might appear) to care for yourself. Every step you take toward peace, joy and love is one step forward for all beings.

Love Just Is

What if I understood at the level of my heart that this stuff I spend so much time trying to protect isn’t me and doesn’t need protected? What if I got that this body, these emotions, and this fear based ego aren’t me?

What if I knew that I am the eternal love based observer? That the body, emotions and ego are temporary and fleeting? That they aren’t me and thus it’s impossible for me to be hurt through them? It’s impossible for me to be hurt period.

The love that I am is immutable, untouchable, eternal, all encompassing and ever expanding. Love is the Truth of who I am. Love is all there is. The rest is a dream, a mirage. Waking up to the love that I am is awakening from the dream.

It’s beautiful, nurturing and supportive, this love.

It’s also all that there is. Everything else is a disguise it wears in an effort to come to know, recognize and remember itself.

The body, emotions and ego are all in a constant process of becoming something else. Only love never changes. Love just is.