How do you tend to look at things? Do you seem to focus on what's wrong instead of on what's right in yourself, everybody else and your life? If you do, you're not alone.
Many of us spend large parts of our lives looking for what's wrong. This all stems from the belief that the experience you're having is not the one you're supposed to be having and from your desire to be right. Some examples of this include thinking that you should be smarter, that somebody else should be more appreciative or do what you want, and that you should earn more money. Each one of these has you looking at what's wrong: You're not smart enough, people don't listen to you or adequately appreciate you, or you don't have enough money.
The truth is though, nothing is inherently good or bad, right or wrong or the way something should or shouldn't be. Each one of these is just a thought. The problem is that you tend to believe your thoughts without question (you believe you're right) and your thoughts generate your emotions. If you think and believe negative thoughts, then you end up creating predominantly negative emotions and are left wondering why you feel depressed. It's important to recognize that it's your thoughts, not the actual event, person or situation, that either torture you or create bliss.
The solution is to understand that your point of view or perspective of life drives your experience of it. Once you know this, you can consciously choose to look for what's right and create more positive emotions so that you feel love, peace and joy on a more regular basis. Not only does this result in you feeling better, but it also takes you out of a victim mentality in which life is happening to you and you're not responsible for all that you've created.
A useful way to shift into looking for what's right instead of what's wrong is to picture a fence. On one side there's nothing but overcast sky and an ocean of manure that gets deeper and deeper as you wade out into it until eventually you are swimming in it or treading just trying to keep your head above it all. On the other side of this fence is a beautiful meadow with flowers, abundant sunshine, a clear stream, butterflies flitting about, birds singing and a forest and mountains in the distance.
The fence represents your choice. The side with the manure is where you reside when you're looking primarily for what's wrong. The side with the meadow is where you reside when you're looking primarily for what's right.
Let's look at a specific example, holidays. What's wrong with holidays? On the 'wrong' side of the fence, holidays take too much time, money and effort. They're work or a headache. What emotions do you notice in your body when you believe these things? These thoughts produce emotions like anger, frustration, overwhelm and fear. These are emotions that most of us claim we don't want to feel for prolonged periods.
What's right with the holidays? On the 'right' side of the fence, holidays involve fun decorations, seeing family and friends and sharing gifts. They bring people together. What emotions do you notice in your body when you believe these things? These thoughts also produce certain emotions. Only notice that this time the emotions are more like excitement, joy, gratitude and love, emotions that most of us maintain we'd like to experience more of.
Viewing everything in life from the perspective of this fence of choice and then recognizing how each thought or belief makes you feel, allows you to clearly see that you get to choose your experience of life. The question is would you rather be right that everything is horrible and this isn't the experience you're supposed to be having, or would you rather be happy? Which are you more committed to? The way you feel on a day to day basis will clearly tell you whether you spend most of your time trying to be right and swimming in the manure as a result, or choosing to be happy and enjoying the meadow and all it offers.
Sometimes you just need to wallow in the manure. When you do, give yourself permission to do so and to enjoy it while you're there. That's fine. We all feel every emotion at one time or another. I'm not suggesting you should have a Pollyanna view of life. I am recommending that you understand that it is your choice where you decide to hang out and spend the majority of your time.
The way that you feel about every person, situation, experience and thing in your life is your choice. You are not a victim. You choose your feelings based on the thoughts you have consciously or unconsciously decided to believe and hang onto. Nobody else is making you think and believe what you do, which also means that nobody else is creating your feelings about your life. You are totally responsible for your experience of life.
Call to Action: Notice how you generally feel. Which side of the fence have your thoughts landed you on? If you tend to spend most of your time in the manure, are you willing to consider what may be right about all that you've been making wrong? What action could you take to support you in this shift?
Remember: Gratitude, peace, freedom, pride, clarity, support, acceptance, safety, joy, trust and love are only a thought away.
Contact me for a complimentary coaching session in which you can experience firsthand the creative force that you are as well as new possibilities for your life.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
More Smiles ~ November 2009
The Illusion of Control
Albert Einstein said, "The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." My life's focus and what I explore with my clients is accessing, hearing and heeding the intuitive voice that resides within each of us so that it can direct the course of our lives. Like me, everybody that I know was taught to come from their intellect or head and to figure things out. Operating from the intuitive voice requires that we come from our hearts or inner wisdom instead of our heads.
The question is, "But why bother? Why not continue to allow our intellects to direct our lives?" The reason is that heeding only the intellect results in us trying to control that which can't be controlled, the things that happen in our lives. We are not now, nor will we ever be in control of everything that happens in our lives. In fact it is futile to attempt to control our lives. There are too many people, too many circumstances and too many variables for us to ever be able to control them all.
The solution to this dilemma is to give up the illusion, the belief that we have control. Trust that everything happens for our highest good, that nothing is inherently good or bad or right or wrong, and that we are constantly led and supported by the intuitive voice if we'll only listen to and heed it.
It all reminds me of a trip we took to Copper Canyon in Mexico a few years ago. On that trip, we went for a day long mule ride through the canyon. There were guides with us, one leading and one following. At one point late in the day, three of us fell behind the rear guide. We plodded along in the same direction we had been heading until there was a fork in the path.
Suddenly we didn't know which way to go. The area was unfamiliar to us and we didn't have a map. We stopped and tried to figure it out using landmarks. Eventually, we decided that the left fork was the proper way. We prodded the mules to go that direction, but they wouldn't budge. I tried to lead a mule that way. Still it resisted.
About this time, the rear guide came back down the right hand fork of the trail to find us. Using our intellects, we had chosen the wrong path. All along the mules had known the shortest and most direct way back.
Interestingly, it had never dawned on any of us to let the mules have their reigns and lead us back. We didn't consider that they knew the way and that if we'd only quit trying to figure it out and control things, they'd take us. (Naturally in hindsight, it makes perfect sense.)
To me, the moral of the story is to quit trying to control and micromanage all aspects of my life. Stop coming from my head and the belief that I have control. Instead, trust that my inner wisdom has the map and let go of the reins.
Albert Einstein said, "The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." My life's focus and what I explore with my clients is accessing, hearing and heeding the intuitive voice that resides within each of us so that it can direct the course of our lives. Like me, everybody that I know was taught to come from their intellect or head and to figure things out. Operating from the intuitive voice requires that we come from our hearts or inner wisdom instead of our heads.
The question is, "But why bother? Why not continue to allow our intellects to direct our lives?" The reason is that heeding only the intellect results in us trying to control that which can't be controlled, the things that happen in our lives. We are not now, nor will we ever be in control of everything that happens in our lives. In fact it is futile to attempt to control our lives. There are too many people, too many circumstances and too many variables for us to ever be able to control them all.
The solution to this dilemma is to give up the illusion, the belief that we have control. Trust that everything happens for our highest good, that nothing is inherently good or bad or right or wrong, and that we are constantly led and supported by the intuitive voice if we'll only listen to and heed it.
It all reminds me of a trip we took to Copper Canyon in Mexico a few years ago. On that trip, we went for a day long mule ride through the canyon. There were guides with us, one leading and one following. At one point late in the day, three of us fell behind the rear guide. We plodded along in the same direction we had been heading until there was a fork in the path.
Suddenly we didn't know which way to go. The area was unfamiliar to us and we didn't have a map. We stopped and tried to figure it out using landmarks. Eventually, we decided that the left fork was the proper way. We prodded the mules to go that direction, but they wouldn't budge. I tried to lead a mule that way. Still it resisted.
About this time, the rear guide came back down the right hand fork of the trail to find us. Using our intellects, we had chosen the wrong path. All along the mules had known the shortest and most direct way back.
Interestingly, it had never dawned on any of us to let the mules have their reigns and lead us back. We didn't consider that they knew the way and that if we'd only quit trying to figure it out and control things, they'd take us. (Naturally in hindsight, it makes perfect sense.)
To me, the moral of the story is to quit trying to control and micromanage all aspects of my life. Stop coming from my head and the belief that I have control. Instead, trust that my inner wisdom has the map and let go of the reins.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)