Share about Using Your Energy to Create

How do you allow the energy of your painful emotions to flow so that you have more energy available to create the experiences you desire in life? Please share on this blog by clicking the Comments link below.

Who or what is holding you back?

There's something that I notice myself doing that doesn't serve me ~ believing that external people, things and events keep me from experiencing the lasting love, peace, joy and fulfillment I desire. Do you do it too? Do you think that the economy, company policies or some person is stopping you from having what you most want?

It isn't true! You are always the only thing in your way. Otherwise, how could other people thrive in the same circumstances? Nothing outside of you is holding you back.

The only things keeping you from experiencing what you desire in life are your own thoughts and beliefs.

So, what are you willing to do about it? Changing the external world won't solve your problems. New economic times, policies or people will show up. You can't change them all. The only workable solution is for you to change your thoughts and beliefs, and then consistently speak and act differently.

Are you willing to change yourself? If so, notice when you're blaming someone or something else for your feelings or life circumstances. Then figure out what thoughts you've been thinking and what you've been believing. Explore those thoughts and beliefs, and open yourself to seeing things differently. Know what you choose to create in your life and start taking action to do so.

Do you feel stuck or uncertain how to do this? Try The Work by Byron Katie at http://www.thework.com/thework.asp.

Do you want still more guidance and accountability? Contact me through AltmanLifeCoaching.com to see how personal coaching can empower you to create what you most want in your life.

Free to Choose

One day last week when I was thinking about heading out for a jog, I didn't want to go. I had all sorts of reasons why I didn't want to go. It was cold out. The roads were slick. That type of stuff. As I was thinking that, one thing that I realized is that some part of me thought I had to go. Believing that I had to do it turned it from fun into work. Fun isn't something you have to do. Work is. But the truth was I wanted to go. It empowers me to jog. I feel good about myself. I like to be outdoors. I love the sunshine. And I feel really good when I'm done.

When I recognized that I didn't have to go but wanted to go, and gave myself permission not to go if I really didn't want to, I went. Happily. And had fun. Yes, it was cold and icy out. And yes I loved being outside in the sunshine as well as how I felt when I was done.

This all gets back to my belief that if I'm told to do something, especially by an authority figure like a boss, parent or police officer, that means that I have to do it. In my mind they are synonymous. Yet that thought isn't true. Just because somebody tells me to do something doesn't mean that I have to, even if it is an authority figure. I always have a choice in everything. When I ignore that and start believing that there are things I have to do, I get angry and resentful. I resist. Fun flies out the window.

What's interesting is that it's never true that there's something I have to do. You might say, "Well Jill, you have to eat and drink or you'll die." True, without food and water I will die, but that doesn't mean that I have to eat and drink. I am always free to choose death (or prison, or homelessness or whatever other consequence may come from my actions or inactions). That is an empowering understanding. I never have to do anything. Everything is my choice.

So the next time you notice that you feel anxious, annoyed or overwhelmed by all the things you have to do, stop and ask yourself if it's true that you have to do them. You're never wrong for how you feel, but your belief that you have to do something may be sabotaging you. When you own that you choose to do all you do, you are in a much more powerful place. No longer are you a victim. Instead you are the creator of your life. You understand that you really are the master of your fate and the captain of your soul as William Ernest Henley said in Invictus.

How would you rather live your life, as a victim being told what to do or as an empowered creator consciously choosing your actions? The choice is yours.

More Smiles ~ December 2009

Learning to Love Yourself

Something that all of us engage in at some time or other and are usually unaware of is projection. The way that it works is that you dump your own self-dislike onto others and experience it as, "They're wrong! They've done wrong!"

For example, maybe you can't stand your selfishness. You then see or hear somebody else being selfish and get extremely angry or hurt by it. The truth is that this is really an example of projection and it provides an excellent opportunity for you to notice your intense reaction, question what quality or characteristic is bothering you, and then take action to deal with it in yourself.

Projection has a huge cost in your life. It blocks you from personal responsibility, self-love, and growth. Like many other issues in your life, projection is birthed out of fear. The qualities or characteristics that you project are the ones that you are afraid to look at, be with or own in yourself. How could you possibly love yourself if you were selfish? Worse yet, how could anybody else possibly love you if you were selfish? So you hide that aspect of yourself, and run around noticing it and pointing it out in other people.

The solution is to quit being a victim and using others as your scapegoat, heaping your dislike and blame onto them instead of bringing love to those unwanted parts of yourself. The solution is to own your projections. You do this by recognizing when you're projecting and then uncovering and accepting that unwanted aspect within yourself. You know you're projecting when your response is more intense than the situation would seem to warrant. If you're simply informed by whatever is going on, you're not projecting. But when you go from feeling peaceful to extremely agitated in a heartbeat, notice it. You're projecting.

To figure out what quality or characteristic you're projecting, you only need to take a quiet moment to ask yourself what it is about the situation that has you upset. Once you know that, you're able to choose to bring unconditional love and acceptance to that part of yourself. When you're willing to bring that kind of compassion to yourself, you can then open to sharing that compassion with others. This is because you're no longer triggered by the previously unwanted aspect or characteristic in them. Now you're simply informed.

A common pitfall is to maintain that your intense reaction is justified and that it really is all about how wrong the other person is. When you're in that place, you're closed off to reality and to your own growth and evolution. The whole reason the situation exists is to help you expand into the love that you long to express more fully. Being willing to consider that you may really be feeling unhappy about something within yourself opens you to the possibility of greater self-love and growth.

I recently experienced projection concerning what is happening with Tiger Woods. The media has had a heyday with his infidelity. I noticed that I felt irrationally annoyed by all of this. I mean, yes he had made mistakes, but my take on it was that he and his family were in pain and were being kicked while they were down. It wasn't like each one of us hadn't made mistakes or done things that we'd later regretted. It was unkind to throw salt in his wounds.

Since I could go on and on about this, I was clearly triggered. I wasn't simply informed by it. When I got quiet and asked myself what part of the situation had me so upset the answer was immediate: They were being cruel. The question then became, "Am I willing to own that I am also cruel and to then bring unconditional love and acceptance to that cruel part of myself?" When I could do that, then I could live with the media's treatment of Tiger with greater ease. I was just informed by their words and actions and could accept them even while they were acting unkindly.

So, the truth is that when you can't stand a quality or aspect in somebody else, you're projecting. You really dislike that same aspect in yourself. You can continue to evolve and grow by recognizing this truth and bringing unconditional love and acceptance to that aspect. But, are you willing to do so? Are you willing to do whatever it would take to come to love and accept all of yourself?

It's not easy to do. It takes presence, willingness and courage. It takes a lot more courage to recognize and admit that there are parts of yourself that you don't like than it does to jump on the bandwagon and condemn others for their imperfections when you yourself are also imperfect, have also made mistakes and also simply want to experience lasting love, peace and joy.

Without this willingness to accept all aspects of yourself, you halt your evolution into the expression of the love that you are. You block yourself from experiencing your life's purpose - lasting love, peace and joy.

If you'd like help bringing unconditional love and acceptance to your projections, contact me. The first coaching session is always complimentary and you'll leave it with a plan of action to be compassionate with even the least liked parts of yourself. And when you accept something it becomes easier to change it if you so choose, because you're working with it instead of fighting against it.